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Second chances. New Year's resolutions. Who needs any of it? Well for one, I do.
What’s so special about a New Year?
Stella was a thirty three year old lady with several children. She did not raise any of them. Her sobriety was less than one year old, and she was in the worst quandary of her life.
You see, Stella was pregnant again. One might think this would be old-hat to her; deliver a baby, give it up. That’s not how she saw it. That’s not how her heart felt it.
Stella was experiencing this pregnancy as if it were her first. She knew of her other children and cared about them, however that love and ache was fairly new. No longer in a haze of nearly constant drug abuse and alcoholic binges she was comprehending reality. Unfortunately for her, like for so many of us, the truth unveiled reason for regrets and sorrow.
I first met Stella when she about to give birth. She was glad for her recent victories, proud she had not used throughout the entire pregnancy. Yet her heart was breaking. Family Services had informed her she could not keep this child either, despite all her efforts at rehabilitation. Parenting classes, collecting a baby’s material needs such as a crib and diapers, and attending her 12-step programs faithfully; these were not enough to please those who had all the power. Why?
Stella was homeless.
I pointed out county and city resources she could call and gave her some clothes. We spoke of second chances and eternal hope. Weeping, she prayed to receive Jesus Christ’s ultimate gift of love for her. Then she said she had to leave.
A few weeks later, we met again. Stella held a beautiful baby girl and grinned widely as I exclaimed over her new daughter. As we sat to catch me up on this unexpected change of events, Stella grew quiet. Anxiety crossed her face as she answered my questions. Yes, she was still sober. Yes, she had found a home. No, she did not have custody.
“Then how is it you have your little girl with you? “ I asked, confused.
“The baby’s father has custody.” She replied, her eyes downcast.
“I didn’t know you knew...”
“Yes”
“Then what happened?”
“Yes, the father was a customer when I was prostituting for drug money. We did a paternity test.” Stella sighed helplessly. “He has agreed to let me live with him and the baby on one obvious condition. He has threatened to take her away if I ever fail to please him.”
“Stella, that’s abuse!”
“I know. But I have no choice. There is no place else to live and I could lose her. Nancy, what else can I do? He has full custody!”
Yes, it is clear to me second chances are necessary. It would be nice if New Year’s Day came with a clean slate of hope for people like Stella.
And for me.
My content with the status quo kept me from reaching out to Stella when she needed me. I could have helped her find a home, nevertheless I did not. And now she is in the most desperate situation of her life. That’s saying a lot considering her experiences.
I don’t know where Stella is today. Whenever I think of her, which is often, I pray for her and her child. Is she drug-free? Is she with her daughter? Is she still living with that leech of a man? I have these questions, nonetheless a greater question might be, “Why don’t I know her situation?”
It’s simple. That information is not mine because I did not ask where she was living. I did not get her phone number. Her last name was never offered. Stella and her baby are out of my sight because the status quo was just too comfortable to deny.
However, they are not out of mind. And neither is my need for a second chance.
What are the dangers of the status quo? Will you remain the same in 2012 as you were in 2011?
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